The Walk of Shame that triumphs over all other Walks of Shame

Perhaps there was a time when walking across campus in a bright, shiny blue spandex dance suit took the cake for bad walks of shame. Waking up in spandex covered with rhinestone stars is really no way to start the day, but then again, neither is waking up in Chinatown...

So I met a real cute, real fun boy (His blog alias will be DP, because he is fratty and the word "Bro" was in fact thrown around between him and his friends - refer to this episode of ATHF for more info). I like cute, fun boys, so I'm not complaining at all - and definitely not ashamed of perhaps spending the night with him last night. However, I do not know of another term for the route of departure from a gentlemen's quarters, so for the sake of this account we will just call this morning's journey back to my apartment a walk of shame.

I woke up with JBF hair and a headache. I needed to smoke a bowl like Asia needs rice. I put on the dress I'd worn the night before, only to discover that it had some very mysterious spills on it, right down the front, of course. Thank god that I had packed Olsen sunglasses in my bag, or else I would have truly been a mess!

As if my rough appearance wasn't enough, I had to walk down Canal Street to get to the subway, i.e. through the middle of fuckin' Chinatown. It is crowded and smells like dead fish and hot garbage. This is the last smell that you want invading your olfactory the morning after a night out. Not exactly waking up to Folger's -It actually made me want to puke. Walking in a straight line is impossible, as there is so much crap on the sidewalk that you have to walk around. A guy on the street tried to give me his number (he may have been homeless), and a couple others tried to get my attention with really bad lines. You can imagine how I was getting hustled to buy all the knock-off shit that they sell. So annoying!

The one thing that really fucked with me, and proved that I was just out of it completely: A tiny Chinese woman walks up to me, taps me on the shoulder and says:

"Coochie, Puss," then looks me right in the eye, seriously.

My first reaction: "OH shit!" I was a hot mess in a short dress, and I thought she might have been indicating some sort of wardrobe malfunction...so in a corrective measure, I yank my dress down almost to my knees. Soon I realized that she was saying, "Gucci Purse". I was too tired to understand bad english! Fuckin' Chinese.... I thought that I was having a Britney Moment (except cuter, of course) !