Friday, January 30, 2009

Monday, January 26, 2009

"You are the poster child for the absorption trait"-Mum


Ah the life of a therapist's daughter: any behavior(s) you may (or may not) have are given an official title and advice you never asked for is administered with the honest expectations that you'll follow it. Terms such as "transference," and "reframing" are common to our mother-daughter conversations. Everything is a process, and involves a set of coping skills. By their very nature, mothers offer advice to their children, so multiply the "instructions" given to you by your mom by about 100 and that's what I have to listen to from my mum every time I call home. It's annoying as hell, but after 24 years you learn to manage it and I can't say that it's not been at all beneficial.

Most recently, I've been identified as having the absorption trait. When I told my mother that I was having problems getting motivated to write chapters of my thesis and described to her what I'd been doing, she told me that I was the "poster child for the absorption trait." Immediately, I bantered back, "I am a very self-aware, independent person. I don't absorb the behaviors of others I am around, I'm not easily influenced," which revealed my ignorance of the issue. Which is why I'm sharing it with you now, because it's actually pretty interesting.

Absorption is not having the propensity to act like those around you, as I incorrectly concluded in my conversation with mum. Instead, absorption is completely immersing yourself in your experiences. Thinking in images, being very emotionally moved by poetry, music, and art, and associating one type of sensation with another (for example, smelling an odor that produces in your mind a specific image or sound) are characteristic to absorption, as well as disassociation with reality.

I remember learning about synesthesia in my theory of knowledge philosophy class a couple years ago and thinking, "Man, I do that sometimes!" In fact, when I was down in Miami, I was laying out and thinking of the smell of the sun. Not the smell of the beach or sunscreen or anything outdoors: just the sun.

When thinking of the last time I cried, it was while I was thinking about a Renaissance emblem and reading a poem (which I posted a couple months ago, "The Triumph of Death" by Petrarch). Always, I am thinking in visuals, feeling on different levels and often having difficulty articulating exactly what I think or feel in words. I just thought I was weird, flakey and overly romantic with ADHD, but now I can chalk it up to a personality trait. Emphasis on the word trait and not disorder.

There is a neat website and questionnaire on absorption here. Check the questions, as everyone as a degree of the absorption trait.

I think Stella has the same thing going on. We've had some frighteningly imaginative conversations that I don't have the capacity to discuss here and at this point in my life. Think "Babycakes" the cartoon on Super Deluxe.

REVELATION: So after much though about my recent awareness of this trait, I asked myself, "Why, if my normal disposition is carefree, imaginative, artistic and thoughtful, do I smoke pot?" That's a really good fuckin' question. Does one feel the need to justify or explain uncommon/unique personality traits with a habitual behavior known to cause those traits? Subconsciously, am I insecure about this????

I DIDN'T THINK I WAS INSECURE, BUT NOW I'M INSECURE ABOUT BEING INSECURE!!!!!!!

fuck me. fuck having a mother that forces you into self-reflection. and fuck being insecure.

The end result of this reflection is my abandonment of marijuana use for the rest of this working week. thanks a lot, mum.

Shred violin and Shred cello

mega-nerds gone rockstar. watch out!



I laughed my ass off at the Metalocalypse intro....because of the wicked cartoon shred solo!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

filosofee!


Song of the day: Silverchair "Tomorrow" (isn't that retro by now?)

I need to write about last weekend. REALLY need to post the whole shebang. However, I'm swamped with my students and the days just aren't long enough. If only I could just kick it and blog...

Instead, I'm re-reading Plato for the ten-billionth time. I still love him dearly, but damn. I feel like all my guys are taking entry-level philosophy courses and I have to re-read everything I read (or pretended to read) in undergrad. Berkeley, Locke, Hume and Plato are my current reads...then for my own class I spent 3 fuckin' hours preparing to lead a discussion on Heidegger. I forgot how much he sucked to read! I guess it could always be worse - it could be Kant! Ewww...

Perhaps its good for me though. I appreciate something different every time, and I typically forget (tee hee hee) most of what goes on in an essay a few days after I read it. I do miss my nerdy philosophy friends from undergrad...ahh the nostalgia!

I'm glad I experience such amazing feelings when I revisit my memories; I've met so many wonderful people and seen some pretty cool things. Maybe reflection is what keeps me so content. I tend to find spiritual qualities in the act of reflection, which I started to think about during my Heidegger bonding time tonight. I'll leave you with part of his conclusion from "The Age of the World Picture":

"Man will know that which is incalculable, only in creative questioning and shaping out of the power of genuine reflection. Reflection transports the man of the future into that "between" in which he belongs to Being and yet remains a stranger amid that which is."

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Sweet plans.

IFFFF someone had the foresight, planning ability and sheer genius to do this, they would possibly be one of the world's most awesome citizens.

WHAT IFF... one took off work early to go rock climbing with BF.

WHAT IFF... they then went from rock climbing to smoking sick blunts with some hunky guys.

WHAT IFF... after smoking blunts, this awesome person showed up at the AMC to check out Notorious, the Biggie movie.

and WHAT IFF... after this movie, they went to a kickin' party downtown and got bottle service.

Wouldn't that be a badass friday night?! :-)

I'll let you know how it goes.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Cool Down: The Best Look in the World



That truly is a good look...but only if properly maintained with sunscreen.

Thanks, Starin' Karen. I miss your stares.

Reasons to be cheerful

I'm not even gonna beat around the bush about my weekend. It was fickin' awesome! What did do? NOTHING! In the past 36 hours, I've eaten a quarter of funkedy funk skunk (by way of some awesome brownies that I baked MYSELF!) and watched Pineapple Express three times. As you can imagine, this experience gave me a chance to reflect on how lucky I am to be where I am. Yes, I am.

Last night, when my mind was in a very different but not unusual state, I said to my buddy, "Sometimes I just sit around smiling ear to ear, just thinking about how happy I am. I mean, I don't have shit to worry about. This is really all I have to do!"

And it is so true, and so beautiful.

I have a great daily routine. I wake up, smoke, work out, shower (I sing old school Pearl Jam in the shower), and go to work. My job is helping others, which I love. It's good to feel helpful, and I genuinely love everyone with whom I work. Sure, there's some pesky annoying office bullshit, but that's everywhere and it's not worth me sweatin'. There is nothing truly stressful about my job, either. I'm not a brain surgeon, or a high-profile attorney. Those people have real stress, real questions to answer. The biggest question of my day is usually, "What am I going to have for lunch?" That one really tears me up, every damn day.

No one relies on me for anything significant, either. I don't have any dependents, or even have to answer to a boyfriend. Sure, it's true I don't get laid very often, but in the grand scheme of things I can smoke enough pot to forget about that and get over myself. While I don't have a boyfriend, I do have an awesome roommate, who is a ferret. He never complains but always comes to greet me when I get home from work and class. School is easy, work is fun and I don't have jack shit to worry about. I come home, get high, and watch football, youtube and cartoons on adult swim. Cooking is fun, and I make up my own recipes sometimes when I'm in the mood for it. Sometimes I blog, and sometimes I draw in my sketchbook, depending on my mood. I feel no pressure, no stress, just straight chillin'. I feel like Babycakes when I say, "I love my life!" But I really do!

Life gets better every day. I've started applying for jobs, so I am going to keep this attitude through this potentially exhausting, frustrating process and just be thankful that I get to wake up every morning in my body, with the relationships I've fostered and the things I've got ahead of me.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Rick Steves has my respect

Check out what Rick is doing for America (aside from telling us where to spend our money on our European vacations):


Public service is respectable. Steves is now on my hero list. Keep on, Ricky!

Dub-yah's drug war report card


Some really daunting stats! Legalize it!!!!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

"Thug life."

Pineapple Express came out on DVD yesterday. I still haven't got it, but plan on it. Several friends messaged when it came out this summer, saying it reminded them of me for some reason or another. And they make me blush!

Here's a fun review I found. Enjoy!

Ferret mommy freakout

It was 9 PM before I realized that I hadn't eaten or drank anything all day. My heart has been racing and my mind flooded; I'm exhausted. Why?

This morning I was awakened by a furry face nuzzling into the inside of my elbow. Maximus was getting my attention at 6 AM to let me know that he had a fever. Poor little guy was the warmest I'd ever felt him! That wanker had taken a sloppy green poo on my carpet, which turned out to be the least of my worries. He was dehydrated, flushed of color in his usually pink nose and ears, and moving slowly. He hadn't been eating or drinking much water. I am about 99% sure he has a virus - like the one that my parents both had when they ferret-sat him.


Did you know that ferrets are the only animal in the world that can catch the flu and the common cold from humans?

It's common for a dehydrated ferret to die shortly after it becomes apparent that something's awry. With this in mind, I called the vet in a panic and explained Max's symptoms. I was told that they couldn't get him in today, we would have to wait until 2 PM the next day. I have no choice but to sustain him until then.

Each hour of the day, I had to wake up Maximus to give him a hydration solution and try to get him to eat. Max was drinking Pedialyte (diluted) and eating chicken baby food masked by his favorite gooey treat. It took a while to convince him that he should eat. Eventually he started feeling better, but all day I've been worried and paranoid, compulsively checking on him and taking his temperature. When I was shopping for the things we needed to relieve Max's symptoms, I pretty much snapped at everyone standing between me and that goddamn Pedialyte. Bitch on a mission.

Seriously, I think I experienced a prolonged instance of Fight-or-Flight syndrome. I went the entire day without even a glass of water let alone an actual meal, drove in the snow like a bat out of hell and whipped up some ferret feel better juice in record time. You could say I freaked the fuck out, especially compared to my usually- type B demeanor.

My response to this situation concerning my ferret raises an even more important question:

How would I act as the mother of a child?

It will be sickening how obsessed and in love I will be with my kids.

Maximus goes to his new doctor tomorrow to hopefully get him 100% again. I have high expectations for this vet, seeing as how Max's last doctor, Dr. Walker, was a badass. PeeJay the rabbit was even a patient of Dr. Walker's. We will see what this guy is made of tomorrow. Hopefully he will make my little guy feel better.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Jack Black vs. Lord of the Rings



...but of course, my lady.

aujourd'hui, j'ai tombee amoureux

Yes, 'tis true. Today a strapping young man stole my heart. He doesn't know it. He doesn't even know my last name I'm pretty sure, but hell that's arbitrary in the grand scheme of things.

In all seriousness, I did meet the CUTEST guy today! Like, the kind that you get excited to talk to again. One of those. He walked into the room to ask me a question and I looked up to see a very well-dressed, handsome guy right in front of my face. This is a big deal because where I am, there are NOT very many hotties. It's unusual, actually. At any rate, the deal breaker was his accent. When he spoke, I felt myself melting. This accent was exotic, but so familiar and quite comforting actually.

Perhaps this was because my mega-crush is French. Yes! (You are well aware of my love of the French culture and people by now, I'm sure) He wasn't JUST French, he was from ALSACE! Il m'interesse beaucoup! That's where I used to live! Oh the nostalgia!!!! I ate up every second of it - When he spoke to me, I don't think I looked away from him one time. Oh la la mon cheri!

Dammit I've fallen victim once again! I'll let you know how it goes (or doesn't go!): a la prochaine!

Retardid policeman

He's our favorite high-functioning down syndrome actor, playing the Retarded Policeman. In this episode, he's profiling african americans to meet his quota.

Dexy's Midnight Runners

I can't hear this song without thinking of Minnie. This hand fart guy is funny.

Some songs you should have on some playlist, somewhere

Some guy in LA makes some amateur, but pretty entertaining, music videos. This is one he did for my song of the day today, "Kids" by MGMT. This song really makes me feel good!


I'm sorta hot for Vampire Weekend, and definitely love this song, "Oxford Comma". Because really, who gives a fuck about an oxford comma?

and I wish I were half as cool as Santogold in her video, "Lights Out". Everything she touches is gold! Sorry M.I.A., I have a new femme fatale fascination!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Considering the height factor when choosing partners

Did you know that the gene for height, or "tallness", is passed from mother to son, and father to daughter? That explains why my 6'4" father (a one-time collegiate offensive guard), had me, his now 5'10" daughter. Do I mind being tall? Never.

So the likelihood of me having a son with a stature similar to my father's is good. I'm glad, too, because it would be difficult being a short guy in our world. Too much BS to overcome I think. However, if I have a daughter with a guy who was not-so-tall, then she wouldn't have my height gene whatsoever. That sucks, too, but being a short girl isn't the worst thing in the world. They make a lot of cute shoes for that!

The article is old, but I found it here.