Thursday, November 20, 2008

Ghetto Ghaz

I can't get enough of this fat Iraqi kid - he's an O.G. He goes nowhere unless he rolls at least 6 deep. He doesn't even need a gun.

A real hustla. Check it out:



And perhaps the most appropriate song:

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

nicknames

a comprehensive list of nicknames and things people called me, collected from my facebook profile postings on my 24th birthday:
Miss Chicken
Roommate (duh)
morg
morgo
morgonzola
morgana
morgballs
big sis
coach
rockstar
crack head

variations on my name are quite popular...it's like I'm a verb, being conjugated. I'm the verb, "to morg". Exactly what kinda action would that be?

Friday, November 14, 2008

Chubby asian gamer from craigslist seeks single, female asian gamer for long-term relationship

Minnie found this gem on craigslist, and I almost peed my pants reading it - certainly, the reader of the personal ad is provided with an amazing visual...
---------------------------

INTELLIGENT, cultured, 22y/o wm seeking Asian women (pref. Nihonese)

Reply to:
Date: 2008-10-16, 3:29AM
Hello ladies of the internet!

I am here today, as are you, to find the love of my life ideally. Now, I am an introspective and reflective man so over my life I've come to realise exactly what I'm looking for in my ideal woman.

Personally, I am 22 years old, my name is Perseus, I am attending U of T in the final year of my Engineering degree, and I am a little on the chubby side. I am a dedicated Green party voter and staunchly opposed to the Conversative hordes dashing themselves against the impregnable Liberal/NDP/Green keep of our fine enlightened city. I am fond of discussing philosophy and the meaning of life over a glass of wine in the 'even. As hobbies go, I am an avid gamer and enjoy delving into the myriad artistic realities of animé (the origin of my affinity for Asian culture, which is frankly superior).

You MUST fulfill the following requirements:
- Asian
- Woman
- Aged NO MORE THAN 23
- - and NO LESS THAN 16
- Petite build. Ideally no more than 115 lbs.
- - but no 'Paris Hilton' bulimics please! I like my women with some meat on them.
- Like sushi, animé, and video games.

BONUSES include:
- Japanese heritage
- Large collection of animé and manga
- Glasses
- Interest in cosplay and roleplaying
- Traditional Ladies' education

I must stress again that this is for a SERIOUS, long term relationship. Not some 'fling' as though I were a boy toy to be tossed aside.

Petrarch: instigator of ermine iconography

There are many things in this world I love and appreciate, but near the top of the list you could find ferrets and classical literature. Weird, I know. (What's even more strange is the fact that I'm dedicating my thesis to my wee pet Maximus and his weasel cousins. Therefore, I've been reading tons on the history of weasels, looking at a retarded number of Medieval and Renaissance images that include weasels and learning an absurd amount of weasel facts. Basically, my research is just another frivolous expenditure of my time.)

At any rate, in my research I found a lovely poem by one of my favorite classical poets, Petrarch. It is the precedent for the ideas which the ermine (a ferret cousin) will embody through the 19th century: purity, chastity and innocence.

Triumphus Mortis

THAT LADY, glorious and beautiful,
Who, once a pillar of high excellence,
Is now but spirit and a little earth,
In honor was returning from her war,
Glad for her victory over the great foe
Who with his fraudulence afflicts the world­
Her weapons none save purity of heart,
Beauty of countenance and modest thought,
And converse ever virtuous and wise.
And it was wondrous in her train to see,
Shattered, the arrows and the bow of Love,
And those whom he had captured or had slain.
Returning from their noble victory
The lovely lady with a chosen few
Together made a troop that was but small­
The glory that is true is ever rare­
But for herself each one of them deserved
A noble poem, or historic fame.
The banner of their victory displayed
An ermine white upon a field of green,
Wearing a chain of topaz and of gold.
Not human, rather to be called divine,
Were both their bearing and their holy words:
Blessed is one born for such destiny!
With violets and roses they were decked;
Bright stars they seemed, and in their midst a sun
Adorned them all, and made them brighter still.
And as a gentle heart wins honor, so
The troop was moving onward joyously,
When I beheld a banner dark and sad,
And a woman shrouded in a dress of black,
With fury such as had perchance been seen
When giants raged in the Phlegraean vale,
Came near, and said: "0 thou who goest on,
Proud of thy beauty and thy youthfulness,
And know'st not when thy life shall reach its end,
I am that one whom all ye mortals call
Fierce and relentless: ye are deaf and blind,
Night falls upon you ere' tis eventide.
'Twas I who brought the Grecians to their fate,
And Troy, and then the Romans last of all,
With this my sword, that cuts and plunges deep,
And other peoples, barbarous and strange;
And coming when there is least heed of me,
I put an end to infinite vain thoughts.
And now to you, when life delights you most,
I take my course, ere Fortune strike at you,
Turning your sweetness into bitterness."
"Thou hast no power over those with me" ­
Thus answered she who was without a peer­
"And little over me, save for my body.
I know that there is one who more than I
Will grieve, who needeth me for his soul's sake;
But I shall grateful be for my release."
As one who bends her eyes on something strange,
Perceiving what before she had not seen,
Marveling and regretful for her error,
Such now was this dread creature: but ere long
"Well do I recognize them all," she said,
"And know when they were bitten by my tooth."
Then, with her brow less troubled and less dark
She said: "Thou who dost lead this goodly throng,
And yet hast never felt my poisonous touch,
If thou hast any trust in what I say,
Who can enforce my will, 'tis better far
To shun old age and all its many woes.

I am disposed to honor thee in a way
Unwonted, and to let thee pass from life
Free from all fear and from all suffering."
"As it may please the Lord who is in heaven
And rules and moderates the universe,
Do with me as thou dost with all mankind."
'Twas thus she answered; and then suddenly
The vale was filled with folk already dead,
Beyond the power of prose or verse to telL
The plain itself and all its slopes were filled
With a great host of the dead of many times,
From India, Cathay, Morocco, Spain.
Here now were they who were called fortunate,
Popes, emperors, and others who had ruled;
Now are they naked, poor, of all bereft.
Where now their riches? Where their honors now?
Where now their gems and scepters, and their crowns,
Their miters, and the purple they had worn?
Wretched who sets his hope on mortal things­
Yet who does not?-and if he find himself
Deluded at the last, it is but just.
What profit have ye from your blind pursuits?
Ye all return to the great ancient mother:
Even the memory of your names is lost.
Of your unnumbered tasks is there e'en one
That is aught more than merest vanity?
Let him reply who knows what ye have done.
Avails it aught to conquer other lands
And make their foreign people tributary,
Your will enkindled ever for their harm?
After emprises perilous and vain
And lands and treasures won with your own blood,
Ye will find bread and water far more sweet,
And wood and glass better than gems and gold.
But, following no more so long a theme,
'Tis time that I return to my prime task.
So I declare that for her earthly life,
Brief and renown'd, the final hour had come,
And the doubtful passing that the world doth dread.
There to behold her was another throng
Of worthy women still in life, who came
To see if it may be that Death be kind.
This noble company was gathered there
To see and contemplate the fatal end
That comes to all of us, and comes but once:
They were her friends and neighbors, everyone.
And then from her blond head the hand of Death
Plucked forth a single sacred golden strand;

And thus she chose the whole world's fairest flower,
Not out of hatred, but to demonstrate
Her sovereignty o'er e'en the highest things.
Weeping and sad laments abounded there,
And only those fair eyes of hers were dry
For which I sang and burned so many years.
Amid the sighing and the sorrowing
Silent and well content she sat alone,
Gathering now the fruit of her good life.
"Go then in peace," they said, "0 thou who art
A mortal goddess." Such she was, and yet
Naught could prevail 'gainst Death's relentless power.
Night after night she had suffered burning pain,
Now less, now more: how then shall others fare?
0 human hopes! how blind and false ye are!
If many tears fell then upon the earth,
Called forth by pity for her gentle soul,
who saw them, knows: thou, listener, mayst but think.
April the sixth, it was, and the first hour,
When I was bound-and now, alas, set free!
Surely the ways of fate are strange indeed!
None ever grieved so much for servitude,
Even for death, as I for liberty,
And that my life was not now taken from me.
'Twas due this age of ours, and due the world,
That I, who first had come, should first have gone,
And that its brightest honor should remain.
Grief beyond measure filled us all: I scarce
Dare think of it, and even less be bold
Enough to speak thereof in verse or rhyme.
"Virtue is dead, beauty and gentleness" ­
'Twas thus by her chaste bed the ladies all
Spoke sadly: "What shall now become of us?
Who now will see her perfect way of life?
Who now will hear the wisdom of her words,
Or the angelic sweetness of her song?"
Her spirit, ready now to leave her breast,
Was gathering her virtues to itself,
And the heaven above her had become serene.
No evil adversary ventured then
To make appearance with malignant mien
Before the task of Death was all complete.
And now, the time for fear and weeping past,
All were intent upon her lovely face,
Despair bringing to them its certainty.
Not like a flame that forcibly is quenched,
But like to one that doth itself consume,
Her soul, contented, went its way in peace,
Like to a light that is both clear and sweet
And loses slowly its own nutriment,
Keeping its dearness to the very end.
Not pale, but whiter than the whitest snow
Quietly falling on a gentle hill,
She seemed to be aweary and at rest.
And that which is called "death" by foolish folk
Was a sweet sleep upon her lovely eyes,
Now that her body held her soul no more;
And even death seemed fair in her fair face.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

UC bowl eligible

At this point, it's really difficult for me to hold back my excitement: UC is again headed to a bowl game! Yay! But where? I want to make my travel plans! Arrrgh! The suspense will eat away at me...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

NC State auctions off busted drug dealers confiscated jewlery

On Thursday, the North Carolina Department of Revenue is auctioning off all of the jewelry that they've confiscated from busted drug dealers. I was shocked (sort of) when I read that, at this auction, they will be selling a $23,000 gold pendant depicting Jesus and a $38,000 watch. Really, I laughed my ass off when I read the entire list of object descriptions! I wanted to share with you a few of my favorites:


A diamond gorilla (with one stone missing) appraised at $21,600.

Gold colored mens ring w/ "R/S" in torch design on square face and music design on one side and devil face on one side

Tri-colored Rosary necklace approx. 32"
Silver colored figaro necklace, approx. 24" w/ silver colored charm of the "Superman" emblem

Gold colored mens ring, 'religious figure' on center face w/ 3 red stones, 3 green stones, 7 clear stones in horseshoe design and horse head on each side of band
18K yellow gold "Jesus" pendant w/ multiple round clear stones w/approx. 25" curb llink yellow gold chain - appraised to be worth $23,000.

Gold colored female ring, "Mom" on center with flower designs

Gold colored curb link necklace, approx. 18" long, with one gold colored heart shape Tweetie Bird charm, and one gold colored "Taz" charm

Gold colored rope necklace, approx. 20" long, with one gold colored Indian head charm

Gold colored pendant with image of male on front


How's that for trend-setting?

Monday, November 10, 2008

Girl Talk

Tonight Girl Talk, a well-known laptop DJ, was in Cincy and I couldn't go because of work. Yet another reason why "Work" is truly the most offensive four-letter word.

Watch how Girl Talk makes a mashup below:


I'm wondering who's going to file the first copyright lawsuit, and what the outcome will be?

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Thesis day?

Today was the day that I was supposed to write a the first chapter of my thesis. That went to pot, literally, when:

1. I smoked as soon as I woke up today (11 AM).
2. I had to watch UK lose. (which sucked, but it was an awesome game)
3. An entire pumpkin pie sundae from Graeter's magically disappeared.
4. It became a good idea to play in my craft box (now I have a new set of stationary).
5. Got stoned again.
6. Watched UC win! yay!

So I just came home only to realize that I haven't done anything productive all day. But my day was so awesome that' I'm not even going to complain... I needed some fun!

I did realize something pretty crucial today: I hang out with more males than females, but not romantically and I like it that way. Don't get me wrong, I'm not gay or anything - someday I do want to meet a special person to father my superbabies (my extremely tall offspring with high standardized test scores). I just like my current situation pretty well.

Right now, I have a couple really great friends who watch ballgames and smoke pot with me. They take good care of me (i.e. I never have to drive or open doors, etc.) and expect nothing (strictly friends - ex's frat brothers). Obviously, I'm not getting regular sex (a definite perk of having a boyfriend), but for me to date right now would be so stupid anyway that I don't even think about it anymore. There's no time for that now. So instead, I have some awesome friends who are a blast to be around, and that makes me happy! I love thinking of reasons to be happy :-)

It hurts more than just you. Who goes there?!

I've been smoking for over three hours now, and I can hardly type because I'm laughing so hard at myself for doing some stupid shit. Get this: I'm stoned like Stephen in my big spongy awesome TV watching chair and this anti-drug commercial comes on. In it, a teenager is smoking pot, while her much younger sibling peeks through the door as the narrator proclaims, "It hurts more than just you."

Well, after seeing that creepy child spy on his sister, I became a bit concerned about the state of my doorways. All clear of creepers? I had to check. I walked all around my condo, through an entire episode of Harvey Birdman, just checking to see that no impressionable youth is near when I'm smokin' fat funky bowls 24/7. Yeah.

Now, I'm listening to T.I. and thinking about the chronic that he smokes, wishing I had it in the jar of babies. *sigh*

Friday, November 7, 2008

African Swim



from adultswim.com pretty tight and 100% free. Track 2 is a personal fav.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Executive felines

My mother has no shame. As an owner of SIX cats, she is also on a list-serve for cat lovers. Essentially, she is THE crazy cat lady and she owns it, if you know what I mean. With resilience, she ignores my cat lady jokes and, to spite me, forwards me her mostly stupid "cat facts" emails from the list-serve.

I guess I'm getting soft, because I found this interesting and appropriate for the day after the election. In the midst of a national economic crisis and an ongoing war in the Middle East, it is only prudent to consider whether or not Obama will be bringing a feline to the White House. Enjoy these kitty facts:

With a new first family poised to enter the White House, are you wondering if a "first feline" will be joining them? While that remains to be seen, many former U.S. presidents have brought their pets to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue -- and a few have been cats. Remember Socks? The Clintons's black-and-white tuxedo spent his two terms stealing the hearts of White House staffers and the American public. Tabby, the very first cat ever to reside at the White House, belonged to Abe Lincoln. And a sleek black cat named India now lives with George W. Bush at the famous address -- but not for long.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

recently

a few updates:

1. Stan's dad emailed me...."What about those remaining belongings of Stan's that we had to leave at your place to accommodate your timeframe for his departure?" Oh. You mean the box fan, postage envelopes and the jim beam ash tray? Oh yes, all of those precious things have been boxed up, wasting space in my condo since June. I had my dad take it to his parents' house. When mom asked how he was doing, the response was, of course, "Oh Stan's doing very well!!" Very well compared to...??? Someone fighting in the war in Iraq? A cancer patient? Courtney Love? I hear rehab does wonders. What a childish situation.

2. Writing my MA thesis is one of the suckiest experiences I've had to date. My first research proposal ( a case study of the art market) got shot down for being too "businessy, not an art history project." I was honestly pretty devastated. Never did I see that coming....so I basically wrote a new proposal in a week's time. I'm devoting the next year of my life to looking at weasels in works of art, emblems and fashion from 1300 to 1700. Yes, now even my work is consumed with Maximus... Can you imagine how I'll be with kids of my own?!?!

3. I saw the Kooks and the Flobots in concert! Awesome times...

4. I was an abortion for Halloween. Not that I would ever have one myself, I just really wanted to piss people off. Isn't that so bad of me?

5. Does it really matter if Obama wins? I'm just ready for Bush to move back to Texas to shoot at shit and holler.

Sorta like Babycakes, I'm just excited to live in this awesome world.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Tranq to the butt

The Brownie Song



I miss Clemence and Emma! I want to go back to New York....

Damien Hirst is a gangsta


9 of the 10 highest price tags on the art market for the month of September were marked with the name "Damien Hirst". You can check out the full list here. I've never been impressed with Hirst, but he is so hot right now it's ridiculous. Animals preserved in resin and chemicals? It's more like a tacky science experiment to me. But, the guy knows how to rake in the cheddar.

The ten highest priced works sold during September totaled over $78 million. No chump change.

Who's in a recession?