Barfy fashion trend: billowy tops

Shopping is no longer as fun as it once was. Okay so maybe I'm broke right now and that is a contributing factor to this sentiment, but the main reason is that I'm having a really hard time finding clothes that I like. My first beef is the popularity of billowy tops that is currently plaguing department stores. Essentially, there is not all that much wrong with owning a couple - they can be fun to wear, quite comfortable and some people look really good in them! Those people have it easy right now, as these draping blouses can be found anywhere from Arden B to Walmart, wherever you like to shop. However, I am no so fortunate.

I like my 23 year old body just fine and I like to wear comfortable, fitting clothes. However, when I put on one of those stupid tops, I feel like my boobs are going crazy and the flare out at the hips makes me look like a wet nurse. Yup, widens the hips-it's a really bad illusion. I spend mucho time making sure that my hair is plenty big enough to balance out my hips on my extra long frame. All of that effort goes to waste when I wear billowy tops! Writing my own obit, I tell you...

Furthermore, the best part of being a woman is having curves. Men don't have them, that's why they like ours. In my experience, billowy tops do two things: erase and hide whatever goodies you might have, and as a result, make you look preggers. First, I am planning on celebrating my waist line for as long as possible. Personally, whenever (LONG time from now) I do choose to get pregnant I will be a badass pregnant lady who still wears tight shirts to show off the bump. I could never hide that; I would already be talking about it all the time, so why not flaunt the bump?

So my boycott of these crappy shirts that do nothing for me continues. I'm pissed at the people who can wear them without looking frumpy....and more pissed that in all of Cincinnati a fitting shirt cannot be found and purchased. Therefore, I will be concentrating my efforts on shopping for shoes. Thus far, I have located the Christian Louboutin boutique closest to my apartment in NYC. I have my eye on a pair of purple ostrich pumps, and a pink pair of lady gres that are tres chic. Those red soles just kill me, I swear...