I am going to have a hellacious bruise on my shoulder. Here’s why: After our first very long day, I went to dinner at this tres chic Thai restaurant with two classmates. These guys are a fuckin’ hoot! One of them, Jay, is a gay museum professional from DC who is a total sweetheart. He’s like, 40 and he left after dinner to kick-it with some Julliard ballet boys. This left me with the subject of this blog, the most interesting character I have ever met in my life: Carter.
Let me describe this guy to you: Hailing from New Orleans, Carter looks and acts like Chris Farley. He’s just 30, dresses super nice and wears nice suits with fun man-accessories like colorful handkerchiefs. Like me, he went to a small liberal arts school, but unlike me, he got his PhD from Oxford in Art History AND Archaeology. SUPER SMART DUDE. He’s got Greek, Latin, German and French under his belt, yet still acts like a crazy, loud southern guy referring to people in conversation as “bastards” and calls people funny things, like “’Fraidy cats!” He can also do impressions of almost anyone and he does the best character voices! He did an impression of a lobster last night (yes, you read that correctly, a lobster) that had me almost in tears. This guy quotes Shakespeare in Elizabethan verse! He can talk just like the pug dog from the first Men in Black, Brak, and the little black boys from Boondocks, I’m sure this guy can do many, many more. His parents are Harvard grads who collect art, and he works as a specialist in objects related to Hurricane Katrina at an auction house in New Orleans. He has seen the Pixies live 4 times. He has given me a nickname: Fata Morgana (the Latin name for Morgan le Fay, which also means 'Mirage'). This is one super eclectic guy!
On the subway, I asked him what his astrological sign was, and he replied:
“Did you know that those signs are based on a geocentric theory that has been invalid since the time of Copernicus?”
He is totally a Gemini. It’s such a shame that I’m not compatible with Geminis, because you know how I love a hyper-intellectual man who makes historical references and geeky jokes…
He knows the city and he took me to some Scottish bars in downtown Manhattan. I started kickin’ back Skull Splitters and eventually got a wild hair to get shots of Bourbon. We were sitting at the bar and I was pretty drunk, laughing my ass off at the hilarious things that were coming out of Carter’s mouth. I guess I lost my balance on my barstool, and I totally fell off right in the middle of this bar. I was still laughing my ass off! Everyone in the whole bar stopped talking and the whole place got quiet. You could hear people throughout the bar saying, “Oh my god! Is she okay?” and three different guys bolted over to try and clean up my hott mess. However, I was just fine, and I got up by myself. Fucking everyone was looking at me, so my drunk ass felt like it was appropriate to address the entire bar. Standing upright on my feet, I looked out to the mass of people staring at me, and I shouted:
“FRIENDS, THIS IS EXACTLY HOW YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE HAVING AN AWESOME TIME!”
Everyone started to whistle and clap - I got a round of applause and a room full of good hearty laughs! I even tried to take a bow, but almost fell over. What a fuckin’ riot! After I got cut off at the bar, I had several people high-fivin’ me on my way out to catch a cab.
Thus, after not even 24 hours in New York City I had already met some interesting people and made a grandiose public scene. Who would have thought?!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment