The adventures of lovable Juan!

Have you ever met someone with a really colorful personality and great stories that has just fascinated you entirely? Maybe you've even been a little jealous that your stories aren't as good as theirs, and maybe they've even done a lot more cool things than you have and probably ever will? That's how I feel every time I chat with my friend Juan.

Maybe it's a non-sexual crush? Maybe I just wish I was as badass as this guy? Regardless, he gets me in stitches every time we talk or hang out. He's SO interesting - a Puerto Rican, tango-dancing Egyptologist - and his stories include elements such as pissed off gypsies, horny muslim men who don't have enough cows to buy themselves wives, and pig slaughters in Hungary. He's just one of those people who meets characters wherever he goes, and he goes to some very interesting places (like Cincinnati - ha!).

Most recently, I got a great laugh out of the replies to his sub-let request that he posted on Craig's list. He knew I would get a kick outta this, so he emailed them to me and now I'm copying and pasting them here for your reading pleasure. (Sorry Juan, you know me well enough to know that anything you say or do can and will be posted on this page) :-) It's too weird not to share!


Hey Morgan,

I listed my apartment for sublet on craigslist and got some responses I thought you would appreciate my sharing with you. They are clearly part of some scam and sent by the same individual but funny nevertheless:

E-mail #1

Hi,

How are you doing? Guess fine I presume. Am writing you in regards to your advert on Craigslist.com and I'm interested in your room apartment, Am from Canada and I will be having some seminars coming up soon in US. Right now am working for a Non Government Organization on a program on children with orphans and heart related probs.

My next program/seminars will be in US and I will need a room to stay for these seminars, so I want to secure a room before my arrival to the states. I can't wait to arrive to US cause I've heard a lot about US.Moreso I will be staying for the period of 12-13 months, Pls do get back to me with the room description, move in rent fees for the first month, Utilities and deposit if included. And if any picture of the room is available, kindly attach it with your reply please.

Hope to read from you. Have a wonderful and productive day.

Kindest Regards
BETH


E-mail #2

Good Day,
My name is Caroline Williams , I came across your Advert on craigslist.org and am extremely interested about the place for rent cos i see you are a very well kind hearted and easygoing person to get the place from....Please if you don't mind I will like to have answers to the following questions below:

i)I will like to have the rent fee per month plus the utilities

ii) I will like to have the description of the Place, size, and the equipments in there

iii) Also I will like to know if there is any garage or parking space cos I will have my own car come over

iv) I will also be coming with some of my furniture,that is if it is allowed,like bed,book shelf and shoe's rank etc

v) I will also l ike to know if I can make an advance payment ahead my arrival that will be as a kind of commitment that I am truly coming over and for you to hold the room down for me

vi) If the #5 questions is YES, I will like to know the total cost for the initial move as in first month rent and if you accept deposit

vii) I will like to know the major intersection nearest to your neighborhood. Like shopping mall, bus line e.t.c

LASTLY:I will like to know more about you and also I will like to have your pics as for me to know how you look like.

Here is all I can say about my self for now

I am 28 years old and I work full time, Monday through Friday and have weekends off except for once a month.I'm from spain, my Dad is a Spanish Man while my Mom is an American,I was born and raised in Tucson Arizona, but presently i'm in Abuja, Nigeria on a business trip for more than 4 months

I am a professional, A Computer Consultant and I deal in various kinds of computer applications and soft wares. I graduated in the Arizona State University (ASU) 4 years ago and I have my B.sc in Computer Science... I am not really a sports person, BUT I do love Hockey Games, I am a very out going person and fun to be with. I do play the Organ and piano, and i have both piano and Organ there at my house. I am not a drinker and I don't smoke and I don't do drugs. I would like to go out with you on weekends and weeknights when I am free. I like going to movies, concerts, plays, I like camping, hiking, bike ridding, swimming, and I love to travel

I am a very dedicated individual who is totally committed to human development, friendly, very trustworthy and value relationship. I am a laid back person, I love traveling, sporting and Enjoy meeting people around the world. I am an easy going person and look forward to meet kind hearted, loving and caring person that is very responsible and understanding, someone I can really get along with. I will take my time to get you one of my pics in my next mail for you to know how I look like, I am sure you will like me

I am presently in Abuja Nigeria and I will be moving to USA fully to live for the rest of my life and start a new life and set up my own business as a Computer Consultant ( I have my resume). I will be staying in your Place as long as the lease is drawn

I should be arriving the state on before 6 - 12th

I need answers to my 8 questions above as soon as possible so as to arrange for you to get the money prior for my arrival to retain and consider the room is mine.. I will be making this advance payment ahead my arrival so that you can be rest assured that this is real since I am not in the state presently. If you think I will be a good applicant to you and you are interested in renting the place to me

NOTE: Kindly address all emails to me directly to my private email box at carol_williams2009@doramail.com


Thanks and have a good time.

Warmest Regards,
Caroline


And for the grand finale, e-mail #3



Hi There,

How re you doing? I hope all is well. I'm Santiago Lopez, am 35 yrs old and Am originally from Barcelona, Spain . Graduate of Huelva University on the Costa de la Luz , I have a master degree in interior fashion and I work as a professional fashion designer. I moved to Phoenix , AZ two year ago for work and that's where am living. I'm am not in the states right now, i am presently in West africa . I am currently working on contract for a company call (African Family Home Fashions) here in West Africa ( Nigeria ) which the contract will be ending soon. I will be returning to the states in two weeks time and I don't want to go back to my where am living in Phoenix because my house rent has expired there. I enjoy traveling, It is very interesting to get more knowledge about the new countries, new people and traditions. It's great to have such a possibility. As i was searching through the web i saw the advert of your place . I would like to know maybe it's still availa!
ble becasue i'm extremely interested in it. Here are the questions i would like to know about the room before planing to move in to the following questions below:

A}I will like to know the major intersection nearest your neighbourhood.like shopping mall,Churches,bus line e.t.c

B}I will like to know the total cost for the my initial move as in first month rent and if you accept deposit.
C}I will like to know if there is any garage or parking space cos I will have my own car come over.

D}I will like to have the rent fee per month plus the utilities.
E}I will like to have the description of the place, size, and the equipments in there.

F}I will also like to know Your payment mode.
G}I will like to know if I can make an advance payment ahead my arrival that will be stand as a kind of commitment that I am truely coming over and for you to hold the place down for me.
I will be very glad to have all this questions answered with out leaving a stone unturned...

Now a little about myself;I am from Barcelona, Spain : that means i am Spanish and had all my education in Spain . I am 35yrs old and very much single,the only child of my only parent,my mother alive, i lost my father and my only brother years ago while i was still a kid in an auto accident.I am currently living with my mom who's a catholic volunteer worker,but also manages her antique business. She is a volunteer at the sister's of the eucharistic heart of jesus convent,here in Barcelona , Spain . I have been wanted to relocated to the US longtime ago even while i was a little girl growing up and my mom is in support.It' been a long dreamed come true for me when i finnally settled in the US now. I have chosen your city for me to live when i arrive. I am easy to get along with and well mannered. I do not use people's items without permission and consideration. Kindly get back to me ASAP with the your monthly rent and the deposit i need to pay to enable you turn down other inte!
rested parties and keep the place for me until i arrive,because i will like to pay for the deposit before my arrival and i will like to know the total amount the rent for a whole year would be,as i am more interested in a long term lease,but still open to any form of lease you want. But i will like to pay the deposit first of all before i arrive to show my seriousness and so that you can hold the place for me until i arrive.I am single as i said and i am not attached to anyone at the moment. I do part time modeling; i call myself an amateur though,LOL,just something i take as a hobby and also i have a masters degree in interior fashion which i bagged from the Huelva University on the Costa de la Luz in Spain . I will be looking to pick up Fashion Designer jobs once i arrive in ur city, Fashion Designer is my life and i love it. I am new living all alone as i have lived with my mom alone in the past but i have no doubs in my mind about my ability to live peacefully with as i wa!
s raised to be a lover of peace. A friend just introduced me to this thing and i really wish that i am able to find the good cultured kind of Place i am looking for here. I hope i am doing it right anyways.LOL. Well,i think we will get along well because am a easy going person who respects ones privacy,like i said i dont do drugs or smoke but i drink only occasionally,i strongly believe there will be any problems rent the place to me as i was raised by strong catholic Christain parents and have inbibed such good qualities from childhood. I will love to see your pics and those of the place as well.I'll be so glad if you can reserve the place for me and remove all your the adverts abt the place as i'll love to rent the place. Get back to me ASAP


Thanks and have a good time.
Warmest Regards,
Santiago Lopez



My favorite line of the whole shebang is:

I am single as i said and i am not attached to anyone at the moment. I do part time modeling; i call myself an amateur though,LOL.

Why is this my favorite? Try episode one of the first season of "Flight of the Conchords". Please watch this clip.