Stella gets a summer job!

Happy Birthday, Stella!

So one of my bestest friends, who is also in grad school, is waiting tables now as her summer job. The people that she works with are a trip, and she's got great stories about their fucked up lives and the things that they do. Most importantly, she made out with one of them, Jason, at work. After this kissy kissy business and the partial-instigation of a summer crush, she discovers that he has a wife !!! Of course, this is confusing, insulting and offensive, but this girl handles it very well with a good sense of humor as you will see. Below, you will find her hilarious email she sent me outlining part of her dialogue with him, and her list of co-workers with descriptions. Priceless!

So she tells Jason that she's not interesting in doing anything with him anymore....



J: Doing... what anymore? We were just kissing
S: Yeah I know, but I forgot to tell you- you have a wife
J: Right, but I wasn't trying to sleep with you...

[editor's note: I will try not to take this, too, as an insult ;D]

S: I know, but it was pretty fun and I should be focusing my energies on someone who might be trying to sleep with me, and might actually be able to.
J: well, okay... I'm sorry
S: Well I'm sorry too, but it's just because I don't need to date married dudes.

etc. And he was like like 'well hey thanks for letting me know early, instead of just not calling, like a punk... maybe we could still hve lunch together sometimes just as friends' and I'm like yeah okay sure.

So anyway, situation taken care of and perhaps has the added bonus of me being the one he can't get. Ha! Geez my thought process is whack.

So, some of the other guys, you ask?

Greg: Really nice dude, life goal is to be an Episcopal priest, but wasn't allowed because he took some test that told them he likes to drink and fuck too much. Lives with a girlfriend but has a crush on me and we have kissed too but he told me last night that he has had sex with other people lots during their relationship. FUN FACT: Knows my friend Stacy, and told me that Stacy told him that Tarah has dryness in the mm-mm area, the outside part, and uses Crisco to cure this.

Mike: Looks like Luke Perry, real cute, has a girlfriend but wishes he could get out of it. Thing is she makes lots of money and supports his ass. Other reason he doesn't want to break up with her: he likes black girls, and this girl is white but very dark, so she's "the best of both worlds." FUN FACT: way hot.

Martin: The guy whose house we went to last night, in the Highlands (Bardstown Road). Badass building, MESSY as the fuckshit. Lives with his girlfriend Stephanie, who wasn't home, so he showed up his scars from this chick he hooked up with last night. She bit him and scratched him and bruised him to death. I actually couldn't look at it until the blunt wore off, because dude it was freaky shit. FUN FACT: Does cocaine! At work and all day every day!

Travis: Short dude. Half-Asian but real cute. Has been inviting me out for drinks about every day since we met- seriously, he calls me every single night with the pretense that he's getting a bunch of people together, but then it always ends with "well why don't you just come over here for a few drinks first." Has a PREGNANT girlfriend- he found out she was pg when she called the cops on him because he was 'beating her' (from his version at least, this never happened) and told him about her baby joy after he'd been in jail a few days. He loves to get with other chicks, because he can't stand her, but is going to make an honest go at being a daddy. HE thinks I'm into HIM. FUN FACT: Dude, Army recruiters make bank.



Am I a hopeless romantic for thinking that fidelity is priority in a relationship? Is this old-fashioned of me? This email made me hate men. (sorry guys!) I recommended to my friend that she actually construct vivid, outrageous stories (also known as lies) about stupid shit, like being a racecar driver, professional roller-skating or eating 9 cans worth of cheese wiz in a sitting, to tell these stupid, piece of shit guys. Then, blog the stories and their responses to them. See how far you could take it and have fun with it!