So this next week (Wednesday through Wednesday) my blogs will be concerned with paintings depicting sexual acts, drawn largely from the Roman world (the Augustan period, if you really wanted to know).
Why am I doing this? 3 reasons:
1. They are pretty funny!
2. All of my time this week will be spent looking at these fuckin' things anyway for my research.
3. I would most certainly rather be getting laid than working on this long-ass research paper. Admittedly, I am jealous of some of the subjects in these paintings!
Today, I have selected a painting of someone who never really got laid (kind of like me right now). This is a portrait of Priapus, god of fertility, fruit, livestock, among other crap. He has a great story: His mother Aphrodite was preggers with him when Paris proclaimed Aphrodite to be more beautiful than Hera. Of course, Hera gets pissed and curses Priapus (only a fetus at the time) with impotence and a filthy mind. Growing up, Priapus was perpetually dirty-minded, horny and limp. There are numerous tales of his failing attempts to rape nymphs, ect. Eventually, he is so plagued by lust that he is "cursed" with a huge, permanent erection that is actually so large it impedes his movement. This is how he is typically portrayed in art: with a huge dick.
In the wall painting I have selected today, this portrayal is no different. In this painting (4th style fresco from the House of the Vetti in Pompeii, 45-79 AD), Priapus leans against a ledge while holding a set of scales. With these scales, he weighs a money bag against his penis.
What do I see when I look at this painting? A painting of a man, by a man. Why? Any woman who saw this would react one of two ways - by laughing or crying. On the other hand, Men seem to be preoccupied with associating penis-size with ego, character and "manhood". The Roman poet Martial writes in his Epigrams about the attention given to a well-endowed man:
"Did you hear approval rise thunderously from the baths? You can be sure Maro's huge cock has appeared." (Epigrams IX.33)
Men are the ones who think having a big dick is so important. Or at least, important enough to quantify through measurement. Likewise, from what I've heard men don't care too much about how much a woman weighs (which is one of our notorious hang-ups). Women are either sexy or they are not. Men either have nice weiners (among other attributes, of course), or not so much. fuck measurement.
After looking at this painting for a while, I found myself thinking more about eating those grapes in the bowl by his feet than having sex with a wang that large (which is a very unpleasant thought, actually). Yes, eating. Not weighing myself. In fact, I think that stepping away from the scales is perhaps one of the most liberating things that a woman could do to rid herself of physical insecurities and anxieties.
In the end, we'd all be much better off eating, drinking, laughing and fucking. Is that, by any chance, a legitimate job description? I'm at a point of transition in my life, so I'm very open and flexible to bold changes in my career path.
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