My wee vacation and some recent characters

Since my toga party on Friday night, I've been straight chillin' this weekend. I couldn't really ask for more. I'm finished with my classes at the University, and don't start classes in NYC until after Independence Day. So until then, I am smoking *a lot*, taking walks by the river and reading books that do not belong to lists on syllabi.

This is exactly what I did today. I woke up around 11, smoked a bowl, went for a jog, made myself a badass omelet for breakfast, smoked another bowl, read by the pool, ate some PBJ's, napped, smoked a bowl and here I sit at Hoo Ha's Pizza and More in Wilder, KY. I ordered a supreme pizza. They actually have some of the tastiest food I've eaten in Cincinnati here at this little hole in the wall.

So this pizza joint is an eclectic place. I've now become a regular, since I have to walk here everyday (sometimes twice) to check email and BS on my blog. There are some true characters that come here. I look to my left out the front window and see seven harleys. I look to my right and there is nascar playing on a big flat screen beside the two electronic dart machines. I have heard three Johnny Cash songs in the past half hour, with only three doors down and nickelback playing in between. I did overhear a drunk guy in front of me sing a line from beastie boy's "Sabotage", operatically. His friends didn't get it, but it made me smile and laugh on the inside. This is after I overheard him saying that if he couldn't stand working in construction for another summer, he was gonna quit to join the CIA. I wanted to make him aware that, unlike construction jobs, the CIA administers both drug tests and background checks. You can see how this guy, and others, truly make my daily web surfing experience unique. Some of the characters at Hoo Ha's, and some others:

Chef Bob: The man who cooks my food here at Hoo Ha's looks like a cross between this red-headed special ed kid that went to my high school, and a mechanic from the early 80's. So basically, he is a fat and frumpy Napoleon Dynamite. However, he sometimes makes facial expressions like the dramatic squirrel on youtube. He could be the poster boy for flowbee, as he has some of the world's worst hair. He never wears gloves or anything that would allude to sanitary food preparation. His mouth constantly hangs open, and he often comes close to drooling then catches himself. Bob asks me every single time I come in, "What are you doing tonight?" I of course know better than to answer this question honestly, however at first I tried to at least entertain it. Now I just initiate conversations about books and current events that he doesn't know about and he gets very uninterested, very quickly. I have found this method of reacting to unwanted attention quite effective. (blog on responses to unwanted attention forthcoming) I'm not going to be rude to him - he's making the food I eat (even if he tosses my pizza dough with the same hands he itches his sweaty balls with).

Stripper waitress: My waitress (one of the two that is employed at Hoo Ha's) is gorgeous. Her body is banging, she's half-asian, her hair is down to her butt long and she's always whipping it around, and she's got the biggest, beautiful eyes (like a cat) that accentuate her exotic look. I have determined that she MUST be a stripper, based on her appearance, body and mannerisms. For instance, when she drops something she bends over stickin' her ass out and raises up really slowly, when she finally flips her hair up. Do you know this move that I speak of? It's kinda like the bend-and-snap, but far sexier.

At one point, I was wishing I could be as sexy as she is. Then, the first time I spoke with her at length, I noticed that she was chewing a mouth full of yellow tictacs and garbanza beans. I quickly realized those were her teeth, yellow and pointing in all different directions. Poor girl has a desperate need for dental care. Besides this, she is totally hot, and I guarantee the guys that come here do not give a damn about what her teeth look like. She is also so fucking nice to me and someday I might even ask her how she learned to be so sexy.

Serious: Serious is a character from the gym that I see when I'm lifting weights. This is not the university gym, but Urban Active (which is just a comical place anyway - blog entry forthcoming). Serious got her name because of her nature and disposition. You can see every muscle group in this woman's body, like a fitness model (think Iron Man, not Shape). Her workout costume consists of long black spandex shorts and a black sports bra. I have never seen her wear anything but this outfit, and she is in the gym every time I'm there. She can't have a job or any obligations.

Serious is serious not only for her outrageously huge muscles and ritual black spandex uniform, but also her serious nature and demeanor. I understand that there are weird unspoken social rules for the gym, and one of them is to focus only on what you are doing. However, Serious will get uncomfortably close to me, like inches away, and she never smiles or makes eye contact or even acknowledges that she is 4 inches from fucking up my reverse flys. There will be 8 ft of mirror space on either side of me, and she will stand RIGHT beside me. Furthermore, she will actually start doing the same fuckin' exercise as you are doing! She will do tricep curls if you are doing them. She will do squats if you start doing them. I am about 4mm away from cussing her out right now because it gets on my nerves so damn badly.

Paul: the guy who lives below me. threatens to call the police every time I have parties. watches everyone in our building like a hawk. he knows exactly what I'm doing at any given moment, and it's really fuckin' creepy. Today, after I chiefed for a while and headed down here to the pizza place, I ran into him and he decided that it would be a great time to ask me how my celebrating Stan's departure was going, and what I was burning in the condo. It caught me off-guard, so much that I kinda went blank when he asked what I was burning, so there was a long, awkward pause, until I finally replied, "Chicken Salad". That's a cold dish, retard. I don't know what I was thinking.