As of yesterday, this is my theme song. I had a pretty ridiculous experience with a cop yesterday:
I was on my way to a cookout with some people from work, where I was running late because I had to bring a dish that took longer than I anticipated to cook, and I also had no clue of where I was going.. I got pulled over for driving 5 over the speed limit. As soon as I stopped, I went into "panic" mode and shuffled to find the papers in my glove compartment to hand to the cop. Meanwhile, this retard is desperate to strike up whatever conversation he can. An excerpt:
cop: "Somethin' in here smells really good,"
me: "I was on my way to a cookout with some friends,"
cop: "This cookout must be on *name of my street*"
me: "No, actually it's somewhere across the river,"
cop: Do you know how I knowed that?"
me: "How?"
The dumb ass then points to the starting address on the google maps driving directions that were laying in the passenger's seat, looks at me, and grins. I was not in the mood to entertain anyone, as this guy was fuckin' up my afternoon. I couldn't find my proof of insurance, so the cop told me to hold on for a second so he could go back to his car and write me a ticket (or do whatever cops mysteriously do when they leave you to fidget around in their cruisers).
So, I was sitting in my car waiting....and waiting...and all of the sudden, another cruiser AND one of those tricked out po-leece Tahoes pull up behind me, all with lights on. WTF? I am young, white and blonde! What's this all about? They begin to consult with each other, and the cop who initially pulled me over was vigorously writing things down. This whole time (lasting about 30 minutes), I was shakin in my boots because I didn't know if I was ridin' dirty or what was the deal!
Finally, they part ways, and the original cop approaches me with a ticket in his hand. I showed him my proof of insurance that I had finally found in a random pocket of my owner's manual. This is what the cop told me:
"Now miss, I wasn't goin' to write you for the missing proof of insurance, only speeding. You were going 5 over, but I decided not to write you for that. Instead, I just wrote you for going 1 over." He acted like this was a HUGE favor, which was NOT the case.
Were you aware of the penalty for going ONE MILE PER HOUR over the speed limit (in a 35 MPH zone) in the state of Kentucky?$140 fuckin' dollars! Do you know how much the fine is for going 5 MPH over? $144 dollars. A fuckin' 4 dollar difference. THIS is the result of this half-hour long collaboration between 3 law enforcement officials? You must be fuckin' kidding me!!!!
When I saw this in the paperwork, and the cop asked if I had any questions, I said to him in a monotone voice, "Your leniency and generosity knows no bounds... thank you officer." When he walked away, I said at least 50 curse words (some in french) under my breath because I was so ridiculously pissed off.
I would think not being in possession of proof of insurance, if that had ended up to be my case, to be far more of a serious offense than going 5 over the speed limit. If he hadn't written me up for that, and something tragic happened, I think being insured would be far more significant than driving slightly faster than you should be. However, logic obviously played no part in this decision.
This is typical of the po-po in the suburbs. Nothing to do, quotas to fill. However, last night karma got these local cops and I witnessed first hand a pretty awesome fist fight at the Levy between first, 2 drunk guys, then the cops who tried to break it up and got a little more than they bargained for.
Minnie and I were driving from downtown bars to the hofbrahaus. Traffic around there was crazy, and I had gotten in the lane that I thought I needed to be in to park. However, the car in front of me had just stopped in the road. Yup, they put it into park right in front of us. Cars were fast and numerous in the other lane so it was impossible to get over to pass these fools. So, my headlights were shining right on this car when the passengers of each of the cars get out, and start yelling and shoving each other. Fists begin to fly, and shit starts to get crazy. These guys are playin' dirty - I think I saw one kick the other in the ribs!
The cops who hang by hofbrahaus finally see what we had been watching from the front row for a few minutes, and sprint over to break it up. Well, it wasn't so easy for the piggies. Those fighting guys weren't having anyone else involved in their altercation, and they started kicking the cops' asses! Literally, they had them on the ground beating the shit out of them! The whole time, Minnie and I are watching from my car, and I'm yelling at her to record it on her black berry so we could youtube it (and post it on this blog!) But, we couldn't get it going in time. We had drank enough beers to be entirely okay with singing the song from "C.O.P.S": ..."bad boys bad boys, whacha gonna do?...." While this fight was taking place. It was pretty funny, and we were cracking ourselves up. The cops eventually got a handle on the situation and pinned those guys down, but it lasted for a while and I was impressed at the intensity of the situation.
I just realized that in the past month, I've seen 3 street fights with either my girlfriends or my mother. I haven't seen shit like this since I left southeastern Kentucky! It's such a crazy world we're living in!
I feel like this is sort of one of those "what goes around, comes around" moments: Some fuckstick tries to fill his quota at the end of the month by writing me a ticket for going 1 mph over, so some of his amigos get their asses whooped by a drunk at a biergarten while two girls sing the the COPS theme song from their car.
No comments:
Post a Comment