The story of the weekend and it's not even mine...
My friend Minnie has been seeing this guy. Let me take a moment to describe him:
His attributes include a ponytail, a chiseled sexy body, a tour in Iraq, bartending school, good taste in women, a kojak (a shaven nether-region), and a penis of a respectable size. He seems like a nice guy. Good enough for one of my best friends? Probably no one is, but he'll do for now. At any rate, she needs to keep him around because this guy is a great source for funny stories.
First: Minnie swore off fucking republicans. This guy talked up so much liberal business, just singing her song. They fucked, then he comes out as a republican. ha! I think he's a libertarian, myself. I could at least talk him into being one.
Second, this fucking happened after Mr. Bartender mixed up some Spanish Fly under the code names of "Lemondrop" and "Cosmopolitan". You see, these concoctions were crafted after the liberal talk, to get Minnie drunk enough to 1. do it with this suave guy, and 2. forget about taking her dog Pancakes out for a bathroom break.
So, they got drunk and did it. Pancakes the Chihuahua was on the bed, WATCHING them go at it. Good thing she has been spayed, or she'd be getting some pretty raunchy ideas from her momma after this experience, I'm sure. Afterwards, the two wild sex kittens decided it was funny to call his Kojak wang "Baby Dick". This man has no shame...and apparently it's nothing to scoff at, either. Still sloppy drunk the next morning, Minnie (still unclothed) stumbles from her bed with the hangover God only dishes out to a select few. As she steps down, her foot finds a sweet pile of reprimand for the naughty carnal display, straight from Pancake's ass. Yup, she stepped in a steamy pile of Pancake's dogshit.
Naked and still drunk, she hops on one leg to the bathroom (around 5:30 AM) to wash the shit off of her foot. While doing so, she belligerently swears and mumbles. Mr. Bartender didn't act like he was paying attention, but I'm pretty sure he knew what was going on. Inside, he was nodding in approval....at the effectiveness of his Spanish Fly.
The lesson of the day: Don't talk shit about Republicans. 1. it's too easy, and 2. It'll get you in some serious shit.
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