So the personal trainer is not actually a douche bag. He handled my trials pretty well, earning my respect and making me feel slightly guilty for being too judgmental.
At any rate, he took my vitals and did fitness tests for the entire first session. Height, weight, you know the whole deal. He took my blood pressure, which was slightly low, then my heart rate. AFter he took my heart rate, he kept stopping, saying that he messed up, and trying again. He was very confused. So I asked him if something was wrong. He said that my pulse was consistently 30 beats per minute higher than the average healthy gal my age. All of my other numbers were great, except for this one, which was why he was confused. He asked about my meds, which sparked this conversation:
"So are you on any medication?"
"Yeah, I take adderrall,"
"So is that for your asthma?"
"No, it's for my spastic, unwarranted behaviors and the distractions they cause."
"Oh, okay, well your heart could be affected by this, because I've never seen numbers like these before."
"Yeah, that's probably it. It is an amphetamine. I take a lot of milligrams. Sometimes I feel like my heart is going to blow up when I'm running."
"Oh really?! Aren't you concerned about that? You probably need to be proactive about this issue."
"I am. I smoke a lot of pot. Then I chill."
The look on his face = priceless. I legitimately scared the poor guy. At any rate, I discovered that I am 16% body fat and that if you took all the fat out of my body - tits, ass, eyelids, whatever- and just stuck it in a pile by itself, it would weight 34.6 lbs! He also determined from the tests that I need 1,484 calories each day just to lay on the couch. That's 14 beers.
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