This past weekend was spent visiting my hysterical family in Southeastern Kentucky. These visits usually consist of eating awesome food, telling funny stories and doing country shit. For instance, I rode an ATV for four hours down a creek and almost into a lake, while my dearest father sat beside me drinking beer and smoking a cigar. Pretty cool, huh? Well, this weekend was particularly awesome, because after a few beers, my dad and I decided to fuck with the neighbors. This is the subject of this blog entry.
Before I say too much about how ridiculous we were, I need to give you a bit of information on my father. He is a large man, who in his younger years competed in body building competitions. Along with being huge, he also collects guns and enjoys outdoor sports (i.e. hunting, fishing, boating, hiking, ect.) One of his outdoor recreation activities is wildlife photography, where he assembles these digital cameras with motion sensors into tiny camoflauge boxes that he places strategically throughout the forest around our home. He takes immense pride in planting soybeans and clover in areas where he has cameras, to bring the animals within camera shooting range. This way, we can see all of the critters that live on our property!
Daddy knows every tree in our woods like the back of his hand, and monitors his cameras and clover patches VERY closely. So when someone decided to dump a truck load of tree branches onto his precious clover patch, he was pissed because he was the person who was going to have to spend an hour of his time and manpower cleaning it up. However, with some detective work and cutting sarcasm, we got the last laugh.
You see, my dad knew that the trimmings dumped on our property were bradford pear. They had bloomed, and daddy recognized that that bloom was unique. So, we went around the neighboorhood across from our farm at night, looking at all the bradford pears. We found that across the street, some jackass with the same tree had JUST had theirs trimmed! What a coincidence! Furthermore, their dumb ass dumped the brush off right in front of one of dad's wildlife cameras!
I am expecting dad to email the pics to me soon, so I can post them - they are hilarious; like russian spy pictures or something! At any rate, we wrote these neighbors a wonderfully passive-agressive letter that read something like this:
"Dear Neighbors,
Browning Acres is a delightful community..." blah blah blah, "...we would love for it to stay that way. However, our family was slightly disturbed by an unknown presence on our property just a few days ago. We want to make everyone in the community aware of this trespasser, who so disrespectfully dumped a truck load of brush..." and goes on to explain the story, and how tacky it is to dump shit on someone's land. The best part of the letter was, "We are so fortunate to have had our surveillance photograph the trespasser in the crude act. Their photograph is included in this envelope. If you have any information that could be utilized in their apprehension, please contact us..."
I wanted to REALLY embellish, and say that we had ninjas in the forest with cameras and swords, but my dad said that wasn't believable. At any rate, do you think those people will ever dump shit on anyone's land again? They might, just MAYBE, feel a little embarassed.
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