Have you ever avoided thinking about someone, until you're forced by changes in one of your lives? Then, you realize you cared far more than you ever thought you did, and a person you haven't seen or spoken to in months becomes the focal point of your reflective and emotional energy.
Peyton Clarkson. Comedian I dated for a short period of time while I was in New York last summer.
What made me remember him? This time, I stumbled across one of his stand-up routines while sifting through Zach Galafinakis skits on youtube.
What do I remember about him? Great conversations. Insightful, funny, so positive: ultimately a dreamer.
We met when me and a couple of my girlfriends randomly walked into this comedy club, The Village Lantern (where George Carlin and several other legends got their start...off Bleeker Street) after we got denied at Off the Wagon because of the frenchies' passports. We went into the Village Lantern to watch comedy and sat in the front row. Peyton was performing.
In the middle of his routine, he calls us out as part of his routine and asks us where we're from. Of course he had typical comedian responses, like speaking really bad french to the french chicks. When I replied "Kentucky," he completely flattered me, obviously not without commenting on my accent. On stage, he invited us to stay after and drink with him, calling us "the hott chicks" for the remainder of the show. We didn't stop talking until I had to go to class the next day.
The most memorable dance of my life. Some of the most memorable conversations of my life. I can remember every kind thing he ever said to me (and he said many). Whenever we hung out, I had a great time. We always did cool things, too. Never had sex, but definitely got stoned in his bed while he did hilarious voices and impersonations (please get high with a comic before you die). He's just one of those people you're really glad you met in life.
At any rate, he is now completely in love with his current girlfriend who is a pin-up dancer in Hollywood who looks like Audrey Hepburn. Total babe. They're really cute.
While I certainly wish I could have experiences like that again, and cool guys getting hot girlfriends is always kinda disappointing, I can't say I'm not happy for the guy. Maybe if I had spent more time with him I would be jealous? We've not seen each other in almost a year now, and only talked a handful of times since. I don't think I was ever sexually attracted to him, although it did seem romantic. The dynamic is confusing. But what I find most interesting about the experience, that's obviously affected me to some extent at least, is the way I've framed my thoughts about him.
I don't mean to strip anyone of their identity (and I hope this makes sense) but in my mind I don't think of Peyton, I think of "Peyton". That is, "Peyton" as a (Jungian) archetype, rather than a specific individual. A "Peyton" is one who induces laughter, excitement, intellectual stimulation, and overall euphoria. A Peyton the manifestation of positive, engaging experiences with members of the opposite sex. An association I make.
Peytons are truly few and far between.
I feel so weird about thinking of this person like this. I'm really thinking about the experiences I had with him, rather than him as a person. I don't know if that's an insult or a compliment, but I mean it only as a good thing. I guess I feel strange thinking of someone else in terms of my own encounters, rather than their "person-ness." That's pretty selfish, isn't it?
I've felt very "absorptive" lately. More on this in forthcoming post.
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