blindsided by Bone Thugs

Mikey = bad influence

Wanna know why? Allow me to tell you about my weekend:

1. I have been investing more time than usual hanging out with a pretty cool dude who I will call Ross. He's funny and lanky and smokes weed like me, so I think he's a badass. Yeah, it's safe to say that I'm in like with him. And bein' in like with someone is a pretty good time.

And we had a great time Wednesday and Thursday night. Just taking bong rips and giggling! Watched Pineapple Express for the 40th time, and I'm getting really good at quoting it. So basically, I was just kickin' it with a cool dude, staying indoors and out of trouble. Well, I leave Ross' place Friday after we went to lunch. I had planned on going into work that afternoon, but this of course didn't happen because MIKEY shows up at my crib with the Bone Thugs N Harmony Greatest Hits CD. It was also a gorgeous day! So rather than being productive, we decided to smoke and go get lost. We managed to drive around on county roads for a few hours Friday afternoon rapping with Bizzy Bone.

FUN FACT: Rapping to early 90's shit has to be one of Mikey's top 3 things to do...ever. He's totally into it, and does all the hand gestures and everything. However, when he doesn't know the words, he actually gets pissed and disappointed in himself. So we stick to Bone and Dre and Nate Dogg and he knows all the words (to avoid Man Pouting). Hell-arious!

Mikey left after kickin' it that afternoon and I resumed my normal life. Went to a great exhibition opening with ol' Ross and had a great time! Slept in the next day, only to wake up too late to do anything really productive and ended up smoking again all day. I told myself that since I'd been downtown the night before that I was either 1. staying on my side of the river and going to see live music, or 2. sitting on my couch and kickin' it.

Sitting in my chair, thinking about doing nothing on a Saturday night, my doorbell rings. It's Mikey, with more grass, a fresh haircut and a Bone Thugs CD. He was talking about some chick who has been calling and texting him, and I was pretty sure at this point he was gonna get laid. I thought I would be out of the equation, as best friends of the opposite sex are usually not good to have around when you're playin' the game at a bar. I was wrong: Mikey told me he needed a wingman. He wasn't going to go out unless I was, so I agreed to go to the place I hate going - the LODGE BAR.

Only trouble and bad things come from the Lodge. I see people I never cared for and basically no one that I wanna be around. I decided that I was gonna have to be ripped to go, so I ate a space cake and smoked my eyes shut. Somewhere in the midst of this I dressed myself.

This was a bittersweet closet experience: I wore a Beastie Boys t-shirt with a gold lame mini skirt, black tights and red legwarmers. My hair had been teased HUGE! Hott fuckin' mess. Some chicks at the bar took pictures of my outfit, but I was too ripped to say anything to them. Pretty hella-rious! I will wear that outfit again...

My favorite, most loyal cab driver Mohammed took us to and from the bar. On the way there, he really fucked with me telling me his most recent bad news: his dad had passed away in Africa and he never got a chance to say goodbye because he's been working here in America. It was really sad, and killed my buzz because I consider Mohammed a friend, and he's saved me from some super-shady situations. Despite this buzz kill, I was still outta my mind at the bar.

Mikey turned into a rapping and dancin' machine as soon as we got there (after a few shots of so-co and lime, that he kept buying us to take) and attempted some really treacherous moves. I felt more like crowd control/conflict resolution than dance partner. Lodge Bar really is a disaster of a place though, and I can be sure of this because Mikey wasn't the only drunk fool there. Many were worse.

I was nice to his chick friends, of course, but I think that having a girl as your wingman is a pretty huge cock block no matter how nice she is. I even brought condoms in my purse for Mikey, thinking he might need them! It didn't work out for him, and he ended up on my couch, as usual.

Me, well, I was DRUNK. Under the table. Like, I-wish-I-had-puked-before-bed kind of drunk. I said ridiculous things to people. Entertained many a d-bag. I have mysterious muscle pains, as well as a ton of work to get done. And I'm still high. All this because some wise ass shows up at my crib to kick it with a Bone Thugs CD...