Garden of "I wish I was there right now"

Every once in a while, I will think of a painting that I want to live in. I am a scholar of the Baroque period, (specifically Northern Baroque: Flemish, Dutch and also some French), it happens to be where my tastes are best fulfilled. People say, "Why did you choose Baroque? Why not Renaissance for its clarity, or something more modern, so you can get a job in academia? First off, I scoff at those who speak of "jobs": why the fuck would I be in art history if I were concerned with that? Secondly, I really appreciate modern art, and I have studied philosophy in the past so I am very interested in art theory and aesthetics. But why go to school so long to study something that is SO accessible? Modern art is everywhere, and studying it makes for better leisure, while, in my opinion, Baroque is a far better choice for actual scholarship. But, scholarship does not have shit to do with why I want to live in this painting, so we shall proceed with this discussion.

Peter Paul Rubens' Garden of Love exemplifies all of the attributes of Baroque art that continue to charm and inspire me just to live. Fantastical in nature, this group lounges, dances, and makes music in a garden steeped in classical history. They're moving, but they're not going anywhere. It's frivilous, it's 'just because'. The colors are bright, the people are happy and my number one fantasy is illustrated here: floating cherubs, or Puti figures (I prefer the Italian word, myself).

Can you conceive of how awesome life would be if you had, say, a set of 3 puti at your disposal?! They would listen to whatever you said, admire everything you did, and no matter where you went, you would look angelic and erotically attractive just because you had some naked babies floating around. Personally, I would have them fetch me beers and roll fatties. Whenever you wanted to watch a DVD, you could just take it out of the case and have one of them put it in the player for you. I would also get them to help me do laundry: think of how fast all the clothes would be folded and on hangers! It's almost like your own portable sweatshop, really.

It really sucks that they only exist in art and legend. Maybe we can get together with some scientists, who can genetically engineer babies to be puti for the first 3 years of their life, instead of cryers and shitters. Then I might consider having some! Are Mormon babies puti for the first 3 years of their life, thus explaining their HUGE families? Mormons are mysterious.