Snoop Dogg on Larry King Live

How did I not have this earlier? It's from fuckin february...I feel so embarrassed! Please do yourself a favor and watch this. It contains the Quote of the Election Year:

"I'm not down with the Republican Party or the Democratic party, I represent the Gangsta Party."

Poak Chops: A Follow Up

This evening, I made the executive decision to learn the Poak Chops dance in lieu of studying for my Roman Archaeology midterm. It's pretty easy, and VERY fun - I'm gonna wear my crazy ass gold tights this Friday and try it out on the dance floor. I will keep you posted on how that works out for me. There will be butta beans all over the place!

"All Kinds of Fucked UP"-Sarah S.

Austrian Man Detained for Imprisoning and Abusing Daughter for Decades
By VOA News
29 April 2008

An Austrian judge has ordered continued detention for a 73-year-old man to allow authorities time to investigate charges that he imprisoned his daughter for 24 years and fathered seven children with her.

An Austrian judge has ordered a 73-year-old man held in jail on charges of imprisoning his daughter for 24 years and fathering seven children with her.

Police Tuesday said DNA tests confirm that suspect Josef Fritzl fathered the children, three of whom were held and raised in a windowless dungeon with their mother in the town of Amstetten, west of Vienna. Authorities say the suspect adopted three other of his offspring, and that a seventh child died shortly after childbirth. Fritzl said he burned that body in a furnace.

Police say Fritzl has admitted drugging his 19-year-old daughter in 1984 and locking her in the cellar of a home he shared with his wife. The basement prison could only be entered through a hidden door with an electric code.

Authorities say they only discovered the situation when one of the children was hospitalized last week for an unspecified illness.

Police describe Fritzl's daughter, now 42, as greatly disturbed and under psychiatric care.

Police said Monday they were trying to determine how Fritzl's wife could have lived in the same home with her husband for more than two decades and not know of its prisoners.




(just for the record, I don't think this is funny. It's just weird as shit, to the point where I was offended and disgusted - a rare occurrence for me!)

Speaking of Teaching...

A priceless dialogue I had with another student tonight:

He had a writing assignment to complete during our session, but instead was looking at pictures of girls he'd met on facebook, talking about how horny he was. Frustrated with a sinus headache after repeatedly asking him nicely to stop and work so we could both go home, I got totally fed up at his rude sexual behavior and said, "Get the FUCK off facebook or I'm walking out that door. Your DICK AIN'T GONNA WRITE THIS PAPER ON ITS OWN!"
He slowly and calmly turned his head, looked at me and replied, "You never know." He finally started working! So he did end up finishing his assignment, and after our time I asked, "Do you have any questions? Is there anything else I can help you with tonight?"
His reply: "You can go ahead and fuck me."
"Uh, seriously, what do you think are the chances of that?" I said more sarcastically than I've ever said anything in my entire life.

"About the same as my dick writing that paper."


I decided that sometimes you've just gotta throw in the towel and laugh your ass off...

Those who can't do, Teach?

Far from a ninja, the whitest kid ever talks you through the execution of a mean-ass roundhouse kick (to the face, hopefully).

Sorority Life, Derby and then some

I never realized how lucky I was during undergrad to have the friends that I had. There are all these negative aspects of sorority life that are played up, so many people find it difficult to see all the good that comes from greek life. I consider my time as a Kappa as the best years of my life. Indescribably fun! How fortunate I was to have 70 gals to choose from for companionship on any given night. Not just any girls, but rad chicks who shared my humor and zeal for life. At any time, I could call up a friend (or a group!) for parties, eating out, bowling, smokin', happy hour or Reno's kareoke. Jesus Christ I miss Reno's! I was so lucky!!!

Things are different now - my girlfriends live in the UK, California, Germany, DC just to name a few. This would be easier to deal with if it were so easy to get into a social circle in Cincinnati. I have a small program, DAAP is a small rumor-mill of a place, and everyone in archaeology is SO serious that they read on weekends. I am used to FAR more recreation! My bar hopping buddies and old house mates from KKG are doing different things, and I haven't found replacements. I have met cool girls in my program that I love to death, but they also have boyfriends and everyone knows that boyfriend = lame-o. :-) There are also very awesome guys that I hang with that are totally fun and entertaining. I am just so accustomed to sisters in estrogen after college!

FORTUNATELY for me, I will be seeing a bunch of my old girlfriends at my little sis' 21st birthday party. Yes, that's right, 21st. As the oldest invited (I believe) There will be one of two roles that I will fulfill: I will either be the babysitter, holding the hair back of my young puking friends, or I will get completely out of control and arrested. The latter is probably not a good idea, since I'm no longer dating the son of a highly influential attorney. fuck it.

The next day I will be waking up, putting on a bubble gum pink capri summer suit and heading to keeneland for the derby day celebration. It is going to be outrageously fun = again lots of beer and food! Good friends, good times. I am very much looking forward to seeing familiar faces at the races! I also plan on hitting the trifecta. Boo yah.

Iranian official warns against importing Barbie dolls

TEHRAN, Iran (AP) - A top Iranian judiciary official warned Monday against the "destructive" cultural and social consequences of importing Barbie dolls and other Western toys.
Prosecutor General Ghorban Ali Dori Najafabadi said in an official letter to Vice President Parviz Davoudi that the Western toys was a "danger" that needed to be stopped.

"The irregular importation of such toys, which unfortunately arrive through unofficial sources and smuggling, is destructive culturally and a social danger," Najafabadi said in his letter, a copy of which was made available to The Associated Press.

Iranian markets have been inundated with smuggled Western toys in recent years partly due to a dramatic rise in purchasing power as a result of increased oil revenues.

While importing the toys is not necessarily illegal, it is discouraged by a government that made its name on preserving Iran from Western cultural influences.

In Monday's letter, Najafabadi said the increasing visibility of Western dolls was raising the alarm among authorities who were considering intervening.

"The displays of personalities such as Barbie, Batman, Spiderman and Harry Potter ... as well as the irregular importation of unsanctioned computer games and movies are all warning bells to the officials in the cultural arena," the letter said.

Najafabadi said Iran was the world's third biggest importer of toys, and these smuggled imports posed a threat to the "identity" of the new generation.

"Undoubtedly, the personality and identity of the new generation and our children, as a result of unrestricted importation of toys, has been put at risk and caused irreparable damages," he said.

Authorities launched a temporary campaign of confiscating Barbie from toy stores in 2002, denouncing the un-Islamic sensibilities of the iconic American doll. The campaign was eventually discontinued.

That same year, though, Iran introduced a competing doll—the twins Dara and Sara, who promoted traditional values with their modest clothing and pro-family stories but they proved unable to stem the Barbie tide.

In 1996, the head of a government-backed children's agency called Barbie a "Trojan horse" sneaking in Western influences such as makeup and revealing clothes.

Barbie is sold wearing swimsuits and miniskirts in a society where women must wear head scarves in public and men and women are not allowed to swim together.


Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Weekend Overview: Beethoven's 9th and Redefining Putt-Putt Golf

I accidentally had yet another stupid weekend. I'm giving a long-ass presentation tomorrow in class on my boy Jan Steen. It hasn't actually started itself yet, for several reasons.

First, I would like to stress my INTENDED weekend plans. They included going to the symphony to watch a friend from archaeology classes perform the 9th on Friday night, coming home, waking up early on Saturday morning, shopping, grilling out and working on school shit. How quickly this changed! First, I end up dousing myself in wine and thai food before the concert with my friend Juan. Feeling fat and happy, he proceeds to tell me some awesome stories about his adventures in eastern Europe, while on digs in Hungary. This guy has the best Gypsy story I have ever heard in my life! He was once cursed by a Gypsy, snapped his thumb the next day, climbed 90 meters out of a cave under Budapest with a broken thumb, then hospitalized in a Hungarian hospital where the doctors and nurses smoke while they deliver treatment. There is no way in hell that I can do this story justice on this blog. You will have to listen to Juan tell it. I almost cried laughing!

So fat and happy Morgan and Juan roll into the concert, which was fabulous, then decide to make an appearance at Arlin's. I thought it would be a great idea to bring in my tambourine, since it is Arlin's and anything goes. Plus I was so musically inspired by ol' Ludwig! Basically, the world's biggest douche bags were there, they bugged the shit out of me for my tambourine, and shook it in my friend's face like assholes. It made me quite angry, so I employed my passive-insulting method to put them down. I have carefully refined the art of telling a guy that he has a little dick and will never get laid, and getting him to agree to this while smiling the entire time. These dumbass men then do not realize what they have confirmed or how it reflects on them, because they are too drunk and too blinded by the fact that they think my country accent translates to stupid, slow and naive. This strategy, of putting wasted, horny, rude men in their place, is one part sexual manipulation, one part Socratic method, and one part Scotch wit. Oh yeah, and one part me being a bad ass. I've been man-hating a lot lately, which is not good, but if you lived with what I lived with, you would be a hater too.

Another good reason I was gone all weekend. Away from the loser. So after Friday at Arlin's, I went with a couple art guys on Saturday to "go play putt-putt". We were going to begin this adventure with a round of beers. Of course, this round of beers turned into several rounds, and by 5 I was wasted and mini-golf was far off in the distance. Like, next year, in the distance. I think we went to 4 different bars. I, of course, attracted the world's biggest douche, yet again. He "LOVED" my accent, because apparently he'd dated a KY girl before. He bought us all bourbon, which was a blessing and a curse because then we had to play bocce ball with this cheesedick, and his friend (who was way cooler than him) who I called Silent Bob the whole evening. Since I thought we were going to play putt-putt and ride go carts, I was wearing a beastie boys T and gym shorts, and hadn't even brushed my damn hair. Classy, I know. Somehow, we end up eating hot dogs at Fries Cafe and watching a bluegrass band play, where I found myself yelling, "ROCKYTOP!!!". If only JoAnna had been there. Also, at some point I thought my purse had been fuckin' stolen, but I'm not getting into that. I shouted 'cunt' on accident in an old man's face. He was pretty scared. I made friends with the guys in the bluegrass band, 2 of them were named Ed. They dedicated a song to me. Our group was ridiculously loud, now that I think back on it. We finally ended up at Arlin's, barely alive, where everyone else was much less drunk, because they did not begin pounding beers at 2 in the afternoon. A forty year old woman cupped one of my butt cheeks and told me that I had a nice ass. I have just come to terms with the fact that I attract weirdoes and assholes of all kinds. Did I need to drink for 10 hours to discover this?


I was also fortunate enough to see Bryan's wrestling videos: They are awesome beyond imagination- everything I expected and SO much more. It is an injustice that they are not digitized and on the web!

Wish me luck on my presentation.

Gettin' Fit & More

So the personal trainer is not actually a douche bag. He handled my trials pretty well, earning my respect and making me feel slightly guilty for being too judgmental.

At any rate, he took my vitals and did fitness tests for the entire first session. Height, weight, you know the whole deal. He took my blood pressure, which was slightly low, then my heart rate. AFter he took my heart rate, he kept stopping, saying that he messed up, and trying again. He was very confused. So I asked him if something was wrong. He said that my pulse was consistently 30 beats per minute higher than the average healthy gal my age. All of my other numbers were great, except for this one, which was why he was confused. He asked about my meds, which sparked this conversation:

"So are you on any medication?"
"Yeah, I take adderrall,"
"So is that for your asthma?"
"No, it's for my spastic, unwarranted behaviors and the distractions they cause."
"Oh, okay, well your heart could be affected by this, because I've never seen numbers like these before."
"Yeah, that's probably it. It is an amphetamine. I take a lot of milligrams. Sometimes I feel like my heart is going to blow up when I'm running."
"Oh really?! Aren't you concerned about that? You probably need to be proactive about this issue."
"I am. I smoke a lot of pot. Then I chill."

The look on his face = priceless. I legitimately scared the poor guy. At any rate, I discovered that I am 16% body fat and that if you took all the fat out of my body - tits, ass, eyelids, whatever- and just stuck it in a pile by itself, it would weight 34.6 lbs! He also determined from the tests that I need 1,484 calories each day just to lay on the couch. That's 14 beers.

Penis Theft in the Congo

Read this article about those who have been arrested in the DRC for stealing and or shrinking dicks. They say that they use black magic. Whatever the case, I think they are finally doing white guys some justice. They don't need those baseball bats. Black dudes dicks are far too large anyway.