Dead Man Standing

This story is fucking hilarious. What's even funnier is that you know just the sort of things I like to hear about - because more than one of you saw this story before I did and sent it to me!

IF this isn't straight up hood, I don't know what is!

Also, I have recently decided to start collecting ugly things with dollar signs: baseball hats, t-shirts, etc. If you find any ugly $$$ shit, please email a link. If it's super ugly, I will probably post about it, and more than likely spend my money on it.

Warning: Gross Post

Okay, two of the sickest fuckin' things I've seen/heard like....EVER maybe:

This link will take you to a huge wang, but wait 'till you see whose it is!

This story came from a friend who works in the service industry, and frequently shares stories with coworkers in an effort to out-gross everyone else:

Ok so i had quite possibly the worlds most impossible follow today. All i remember is he just got out of the army, I don't even remember his name, because it wasn't even a real boy name, it was like Ashley or Conseulea, basically a girl name, and i didn't have enough time to try and remember it. He was quite possibly the most painfully unintelligent person i've ever met in my life, but this turns out to be a completly different kind of awful when he tries to impress us.
A round of gross stories occurs as often does at the restaurant, and as usually Nate is waiting for me to finish my over the top tale of filth so he can make us all question why he is not in jail, little do we know Conseulea has a story topper the likes of which we've never heard.
I am not joking when i say, that he said this happened to him (don't know why anyone would want to claim it). He was going down on his girlfriend when he noticed she was a lot wetter than normal. He just figured he was doing a lot better job than usually, but it was a lot more watery than usually. Then after she got really wet it got kind of thick, and then there were chucks, and after coughed up one of them she freaked out and ran off to the bathroom. He didn't know what was going on, but she wouldn't stop crying or even look at him.
Turn out she (you probably guessed it by now but please go ahead and delete if you don't want it confirmed for you, i wish i was given this option before i went past this point in the story, once its in your head its not going to go away)


miscarried in his mouth, and as for as he knows (or at least claims) he ate part of the fetus. The real kicker though, is he never had sex with the girl, she was cheating on him, so he ate some other dudes baby (his telling not mine, i'm not sure if that would make it better or worse), and the other guys in his unit started calling him baby eater after he told an NCO the story. I'm hoping this boy is just trying to impress us, but he didn't say it happened to a friend of a friend, he claimed it as his own, i hope there is some urban legand site out there that already has this one and can disprove it for me, but as of now, i just have to stomach the idea that i trained a guy today that has tasted fetus.


Okay, I have nothing to say about either of these things. You will see my ass in church this sunday. That is all.

Street fight, broken bones, the usual.

I've officially neglected my blog, and I apologize. A LOT has happened - I'm probably not even going to have enough time to catch up, but I'll do my best. A few things:

This is a picture taken from inside of the car we were riding in around 4:30 AM a couple weeks ago in Louisville. The story is great and will be posted when I have more time to flesh it out. These goth chicks tried to start a street fight with me and two of my best girl friends. It obviously didn't happen, but the picture really captures the moment quite nicely.

This was taken the night before I broke my collar bone. Yes, after visiting 6 bars in a single evening, I was walking into the after party at my friend's place. (i.e. on my way to smoke some greens). On my way in, I drunkenly turned around and shouted, "LET'S SMOKE THIS BLUNT!!!" only to turn back around without looking and crack my shoulder on a rod iron fence. It hurt like a bitch!!!! Did I go to the ER immediately, like the MD the next day told me I should have? Of course not. I smoked that blunt!

In other news, I work at a jazz club and restaurant now until I resume classes. It's something to do, and I make some decent dollars. I'm drafting a complete entry to focus only on the fucktards with whom I work: Felons, crackheads, pregnant smokers, etc. Some real gems, let me tell ya...

My alma mater: Forbes Ranks Centre no. 13 in the Nation

Below, you'll find some news on my alma mater that I swiped from Minnie's facebook page. I would just like to note that I was one of those "Who's Who Among American Colleges and Universities" students that they tallied and factored into this ranking, which gave me a good belly laugh as I was reading this article:

DANVILLE, KY—Centre College has been named the No. 13 best institution in the nation among colleges and universities in first-ever rankings by Forbes magazine. Centre also ranks No. 12 on its "Top Private Colleges" list and is among the magazine's list of "30 College Ranking Surprises." The rankings include 569 undergraduate institutions.

“We are delighted to see Forbes magazine identify Centre as one of the nation’s best institutions of higher education," says Centre President John Roush. "These rankings, of course, do not tell the whole story of the many outstanding colleges and universities in America, but they can be valuable to students and families as they seek to identify those institutions that have an earned reputation for highest achievement. Centre is proud to be an institution where high achievement is prized and high opportunity for young men and women needing financial assistance to attend has been preserved.”

Centre's No. 13 spot is the highest ranking of Kentucky institution, with the closest-ranked school appearing at No. 83 on the overall list.

How these rankings work: Forbes' methodology included rankings from more than 7 million student evaluations. They looked at how many of the school's alumni, adjusted for the size of the school, are listed among notables in Who's Who in America, and also at ratings on the Web site Ratemyprofessor.com. A large percentage of their ranking method included: debt level at graduation, percentage of students graduating in four years, and number of students or faculty who have won nationally competitive awards like Rhodes Scholarships.

According to the Forbes article, Centre was in the top 10 percent of schools in all of the above selection criteria.

In response to the question, "What is the best reason for a prospective student to choose your school?" Forbes published an answer from Centre student Josh Stevens '09:

"It's the community. We says it's 'personal education/extraordinary success"—that's the tagline—but it's the personal education part that is why a prospective student should look here. You have small classes with faculty who are always wanting to help you out as much as they can. They want you to excel at your interest, so they're willing to help you further your educational plans."

Forbes' stellar ranking is one of many Centre has received. Consumers Digest named Centre the No. 1 educational value in the nation, and U.S. News consistently ranks Centre among the top-50 schools in the nation (and Centre is the only Kentucky institution in this U.S. News top-50 ranking). In addition, Centre recently was named an outstanding educational institution by The Princeton Review and is the only Kentucky institution to be named a top-30 value among liberal arts colleges by Kiplinger magazine.

- end -
Founded in 1819, Centre College is ranked among the U.S. News top 50 national liberal arts colleges. Consumers Digest ranks Centre No. 1 in educational value among all U.S. liberal arts colleges. Centre alumni, known for their nation-leading loyalty in annual financial support, include two U.S. vice presidents and two Supreme Court justices. For more, visit http://www.centre.edu/web/elevatorspeech/

super behind on posts

I need to prioritize my life and understand that blogging comes first. However, I've been busy and I'm pretty behind. I will try to catch up this coming week, and post some silly stories and pictures. Till then, here is the abbreviated version, to be further explained in the near future:

crazy louisville trip (all louisville trips are actually pretty crazy, but this one certainly takes the cake)
kentucky cocktails night, i.e. a shitshow
broken collar bone
silly job (I now work at a pretty cool jazz club/cafe for the next month WITH the skankiest people in the world)

Mes Amies francaises de New York!

I would not have had the amazing experience that I had in New York if I had not met these girls! I feel so lucky!!! Official song dedication to Marissa and Sam: John Denver, "Friends with You". Just listening to it kinda makes me tear up a little bit, maybe... :-)



je vous manquez!

Thank God it's Friday

Steady Mobb'n featuring Billy Bavgate, "Puff Puff Pass"


Classic smokin' song.

2 favorite things

I am but a simple woman. I have two favorite things that I like to do at the end of the day: smoke and cook. Then, I eat and listen to some tunes. Here's what I made last night, plus some notes I took in my notepad:


Parmesan Chicken Red Curry:

1 Tbsp. cooking oil (Vegetable, peanut and olive oils all work just fine)
1 onion, sliced
1 garlic clove, chopped finely
2-3 Tbsp. Thai red curry paste (found in the international isle of the grocery, or at an Asian market)
1 can (typically between 13 and 14 oz.) of Cocoanut milk
1/3rd of a 14 oz can of chicken stock/broth
4 boneless, skinless breasts cut into cubes
1 Tbsp of Fish Sauce (in Thai section of grocery)
2 Tbsp. of Soy Sauce
the juice of half a lime
1 tsp of brown sugar
2 c. couscous
½ c. Parmesan cheese, shredded
fresh chopped cilantro

In a big skillet, add the cooking oil, garlic and onion. Stir it around until the onions start to become transparent. It is cool looking. Add the curry paste and watch it sizzle in the onions for a minute (literally). Add the coconut milk and the chicken stock/broth and bring it to a boil. Add the chick, then reduce the heat and let it simmer for 15 or 20 minutes, until the chicken is tender.
Add the fish sauce, soy sauce, lime juice, sugar and couscous. Cook for 2-3 minutes until the sugar has dissolved. Throw in the Parmesan cheese and stir it all up. Serve promptly and garnish with cilantro.

I did some serious blazing. This was the most delicious meal I have ever eaten in my life.
I spent 15 minutes explaining to Max the reasons why he wouldn’t like to eat couscous. Key lime pie rocks. Listening to Bavgate and Snoop, “Where the weed at?” Boomp3.com

Noteworthy is Jon Moore’s facebook status message: “Jon Moore is sitting on a bean-bag, naked, eating cheetos.” Laughing so hard that I want to cry.

Kilted Mailmen

I'm glad someone else in this world is up-to-speed with those oh-so inventive Scots. The full article can be found in its original location by clicking on the the article title below:

US MAIL CARRIER DEMANDS KILT UNIFORM OPTION

SEATTLE (AP) — A 6-foot-tall, 250-pound mail carrier wants the U.S. Postal Service to add kilts as a uniform option for men.
The idea was defeated in July at a convention of the 220,000-member National Letter Carriers' Association, but Dean Peterson says he is not giving up — and he has his supporters.

Peterson, a resident of Lacey, Washington, spent $1,800 to mail about 1,000 letters and photographs of him wearing a prototype Postal Service kilt — or what he refers to as an 'unbifurcated garment' — to union branches in every U.S. state, Guam and Puerto Rico.

"Unbifurcated Garments are far more comfortable and suitable to male anatomy than trousers or shorts because they don't confine the legs or cramp the male genitals the way that trousers or shorts do," he wrote. "Please open your hearts — and inseams — for an option in mail carrier comfort!"

With his build, Peterson said, his thighs fill slacks to capacity.

Earlier this year letter carrier unions in Washington and Oregon passed identical resolutions endorsing kilts. Another kilt enthusiast, Paul Lunde led the effort in Oregon, imploring Postal Service decision makers to consider mail carriers' hot-weather plights.

"With a kilt, it doesn't get as hot. There's less chafing," he said.

Unlike Peterson, Lunde has been allowed to wear a kilt to work on St. Patrick's Day, Halloween and National Tartan Day on April 6.

Peterson has never considered himself an activist. He has Finnish and Norwegian ancestry but not Scottish. He began wearing kilts a couple years ago when his wife brought one back from a trip to Scotland. (A spokeswoman for Britain's Royal Mail said kilts are not allowed as part of its letter carrier uniforms.)

Now he wears them everywhere.

The union's executive committee recommended disapproval, saying there was not enough demand for kilts to be worth the bother of the resolution. Delegates agreed by a large margin.

But, there are plenty of approved uniform items which very few mail carriers wear, including a cardigan sweater, vest and pith helmet, Peterson said.

For an article of clothing to be approved as a uniform option, the union must first agree, followed by testing by a Postal Service Committee and selection of a manufacturer.

Peterson said many convention delegates expressed support after his resolution was voted down.

"I got so pumped up after being at such a low that I'm taking this to the next convention in 2010 in Anaheim, California," he said.

Francis, are you kiddin' me?!

I would never have to work another day of my life if I only had a Francis Bacon painting. This painting, Study for Head of George Dyer, sold at Sotheby's of London on July 1st for 27,473,048 US$. This was the highest price paid for a painting during the month of July.

If you're interested, go to ArtNet's auction results page to see the top ten prices paid at auction monthly. I was happy to see my boy Frans Hals representin' Northern Baroque in the hizzouse at #3 on the list.